Author Archives: Dr. Henry Cloud

Respecting Boundaries

Respecting Boundaries

We have personal boundaries, personal property lines, in our relationship with God. God has designed the world so that boundaries are to be respected. He respects ours, and we need to respect His. God Respects Our Boundaries God respects our boundaries in many ways. First, He leaves work for us to do that only we can do. And He

Grace and Truth in Difficult Conversations

A successful confrontation will always involve balancing grace and truth. Grace is your being on the side of, or “for,” the other person as well as the relationship. Truth is the reality of whatever you need to say about the problem. This balancing combination is referred to as being neutralized. Being neutralized doesn’t mean being neutral about the problem – not

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23 What Do You Mean “Boundaries”? The parents of a twenty-five-year-old man came to see me (Dr. Townsend) with a common request: they wanted me to “fix” their son, Bill. When I asked where Bill was, they answered, “Oh, he didn’t want

Kids Need Parents with Boundaries

Kids Need Parents with Boundaries

“Problem kids” don’t evolve in a vacuum. Every problem child generally has a problem context, and kids with healthy limits don’t grow out of thin air. Although by nature we resist limits from birth, we have a lot of help either developing boundaries or not developing them. As both Christians and psychologists, we live in

kids with character

Raising Kids with Character: The Goal of Parenting

Good kids are a product of the real goal of parenting: mature character. When children grow up with mature character, they are able to take their place as adults in the world and function properly in all areas of life. Raising kids with character is the main goal of child rearing. But what is character?

Making Your Small Group Work Extended Tip 3

Extended Tip 3: Dealing With People In Crises Definition: Responding to people in crisis or experiencing a tragedy should be done in a manner that keeps the group intact and brings resources to the person whose life is unraveling. The group needs to know how to respond appropriately. Often the crisis will change the reality of how the

Making Your Small Group Work Session 4

Session 4: Determining Your Group’s Purpose   It’s important to determine your group’s purpose. Determining your purpose is done by answering three questions: What kind of group do we want to be? What kind of curriculum will we use? What kind of balance will we have between content (facts and knowledge) and process (thoughts and feelings)?

Making Your Small Group Work Extended Tip 2

Extended Tip 2: When Groups Get Messy Part 2 – Conflict Resolution Definition: Conflict is normal! In every group, there will be people with different opinions, people who bug you, and times when you step on each other’s toes. Conflict resolution is needed when two or more people contribute to a relational breakdown. There are two types of

Making Your Small Group Work Extended Tip 1

Extended Tip 1: When Groups Get Messy Part 1 – Confrontation Definition: Confrontation means taking feedback to the next level. It is often seen as a negative thing, but avoidance only causes more problems. The payoff is better relationships. The word “confrontation” is not adversarial; it means to “turn your face toward” something. Biblical references: • Proverbs 17:10—“A rebuke

Making Your Small Group Work Tip 13

Tip 13: Confessing Your Faults Everyone sins or does things wrong. The group should be a safe place to talk about areas that need improvement. Talking about sin brings it out of the dark and into the light, the only place it can be healed. Biblical references: • James 5:16—“. . . confess your sins to each other