Author Archives: John Townsend

Enter the Hard Way

Enter the Hard Way

There is a solution to entitlement, which I call the Hard Way. The Hard Way is the entitlement cure. It is a path of behaviors and attitudes that undo the negative effects of entitlement, whether in ourselves or in others. Here’s my definition of the Hard Way: The habit of doing what is best, rather

Difficult Conversations: How to Create Clarity in Conflict

Be Clear about “You” and “I” Any good confrontation takes into account that two people are involved. This sounds obvious, but it really isn’t, and it is an essential part of an effective boundary conversation. One reason you have a problem in the first place is that you and the person you want to confront

Say “I Was Wrong”

The Power of Confession What’s the big deal about saying, “I was wrong”? I have noticed a pattern in my work with people, a sharp contrast between successful individuals and those who stay stuck in life. It’s an inverse relationship: Successful people point to their failures, while failing individuals point to their successes. While there

Respecting Boundaries

We have personal boundaries, personal property lines, in our relationship with God. God has designed the world so that boundaries are to be respected. He respects ours, and we need to respect His. God Respects Our Boundaries God respects our boundaries in many ways. First, He leaves work for us to do that only we can do. And He

Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships

Dr. John Townsend introduces Beyond Boundaries The Draw To Relationship You and I are “drawn” to seek out relationships with others. We have an internal drive that propels us toward others. In fact, we have lots of other drives as well: we go online when we are information-driven. We walk to the kitchen when we

Grace and Truth in Difficult Conversations

A successful confrontation will always involve balancing grace and truth. Grace is your being on the side of, or “for,” the other person as well as the relationship. Truth is the reality of whatever you need to say about the problem. This balancing combination is referred to as being neutralized. Being neutralized doesn’t mean being neutral about the problem – not

Author Chat with John Townsend Replay

Got Relationship Questions? What if you could get some of your most pressing relationship questions answered by a true expert? That’s what happened during our live video chat with Dr. John Townsend, co-author of the bestselling Boundaries series of books. Over 1,500 people registered, and Dr. Townsend took time to answer as many questions as

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23 What Do You Mean “Boundaries”? The parents of a twenty-five-year-old man came to see me (Dr. Townsend) with a common request: they wanted me to “fix” their son, Bill. When I asked where Bill was, they answered, “Oh, he didn’t want

Kids Need Parents with Boundaries

Kids Need Parents with Boundaries

“Problem kids” don’t evolve in a vacuum. Every problem child generally has a problem context, and kids with healthy limits don’t grow out of thin air. Although by nature we resist limits from birth, we have a lot of help either developing boundaries or not developing them. As both Christians and psychologists, we live in

kids with character

Raising Kids with Character: The Goal of Parenting

Good kids are a product of the real goal of parenting: mature character. When children grow up with mature character, they are able to take their place as adults in the world and function properly in all areas of life. Raising kids with character is the main goal of child rearing. But what is character?

Top