Anyone without a soul friend is like a body without a head. ~Celtic saying Robert Sternberg of Yale University studied romantic love long before it was fashionable among scholars. In his groundbreaking project he discovered love’s essential ingredients: passion, commitment, and intimacy.1 Passion is physical. Commitment is willful. And intimacy is emotional. Intimacy is…
How to Change Your Negative Self-Talk
You see them everywhere. Little inspirational sayings like, “You are the only one who can limit your greatness.” Or, “Make your optimism come true.” They are on posters in gyms and offices. Social media is plastered with them. Do they help? Do they work? Well, if you’re feeling harried because of a stressful commute and…
The Power of Love in Action
We have some friends who have been married more than thirty years. In their mid-fifties now, they seem to enjoy all the blessings possible for a healthy married couple — a beautiful home, good friends, bright children, and fulfilling careers. But their marriage hasn’t been a walk on easy street. Their second child, a boy,…
It’s My Marriage and I’ll Cry If I Want To
“Don’t cry!” “It’s okay to cry,” Leslie whimpered. We were having lunch at a favorite restaurant, talking about I don’t know what when out of nowhere, or so it seemed, Leslie’s eyes flooded with tears. Only moments before they were sparkling. “I know it’s okay to cry,” I confessed, “but can’t you wait until we…
The Secret of Happy Couples: Joseph and Mary
What makes happy couples happy? Dr. Allen Parducci, a prominent UCLA researcher, asked this question and found that money1, success, health, beauty, intelligence, or power have little to do with a couple’s “subjective well-being” (labspeak for happiness). Instead, research reveals that the level of a couple’s joy is determined by each partner’s ability to adjust…
Two Communication Rules That Can Save Your Marriage
All the important communication tools can be reduced to six basic skills. If you learn them and use them, you will be able to give more love to your spouse, and your marriage will become super-charged with positive energy. They are: 1. Make “I” statements, not “you” statements. 2. Practice reflective listening. 3. Understand…
Marriage Myth: My Spouse Will Make Me Whole
The old saying “opposites attract” is based on the phenomenon that many individuals are drawn to people who complement them — who are good at things that they are not, who complete them in some way. The book of Proverbs says, As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. — Proverbs 27:17 Our incompleteness…
Love Always Protects
Love… always protects. – 1 Corinthians 13:7 Security comes when I’m in love with somebody who loves me back. – Shelley Winters Immature love says: “I love you because I need you.” Mature love says: “I need you because I love you.” Erich Fromm Several years ago we were speaking in Washington, D.C., at a national…