Trolling for Moms
If you could pick your ideal friends, whom would you choose? Would they be exactly like you or really different?
I have a diverse group of friends, and I love having people from different backgrounds and with different passions and personalities around me. There are a few things that I look for in my closest friends, though. I’m drawn to those mamas who let me be me, who laugh at my jokes, who share deeply, and who are a little what I like to call scary-intense.
I want someone who’s going to go ballistic over kids without food, stuck in orphanages, or held in slavery. I want someone who’s going to get in my face if I’m out of line and hold up my arms when I’m tired of fighting for justice. I want someone who cackles and speaks truth and is either a total geek or glad I am. I want a mama who will tell me what I need to hear, not just what I want to hear. And through all that scary intensity, I want her to love me.
So for you, who are your people?
If you’re looking for moms with whom you can go running, let’s get you out on trails chatting up girls about their jogging strollers. Do you love baking brownies? Let’s find you a friend who loves eating brownies. Do you struggle with confidence? You need a friend who excels at encouragement.
Finding friends also means learning how to be a good friend, so we’re also working on our own stuff too. As we seek to encourage and support the moms around us, we become exactly the kind of friend we want to have.
￼￼Where are you going to find your people?
The library for story time, a “mommy and me” class, the preschool pickup line, a young moms’ group at a church, or the sidelines at a soccer game. Moms are everywhere, and most of us are a little bit lonely and starved for adult conversation. If you work outside of the home, you may spend time with other adults professionally, but you still need other moms to talk to. Stay-at-home moms just need people to talk to, period.
My favorite relationships are the ones that start out bonding over our kids but transition to talking about books we’re reading, our thoughts on different issues, or just straight up laughter about something absurd. I love coming together with other women over coffee to solve the world’s problems while a few feet away, our children learn how to share. My girlfriends make me a better mom, a better friend, a better wife, just… better.
We have different friends for different aspects of our personalities. I have my sci-fi-loving friends for movie watching. These are my “get my references” friends. And I have the friends I call when I’m cracking down the center and need someone to pray for my brain.
So, figure out who your people are, then start trolling.
Excerpted with permission from Women are Scary by Melanie Dale, copyright Melanie Dale, 2015.
It can be hard to make friends in the post-high school or post-college years — even at church! Where do you turn to find new mom friends? How do you break the ice? Come share your comments on our blog and be sure to grab your free downloadable conversation starters for your next ladies’ night!