Extended Tip 1: When Groups Get Messy Part 1 – Confrontation
Confrontation means taking feedback to the next level. It is often seen as a negative thing, but avoidance only causes more problems. The payoff is better relationships. The word “confrontation” is not adversarial; it means to “turn your face toward” something.
• Proverbs 17:10—“A rebuke impresses a person of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool”
• Proverbs 9:8–9—A wise person loves a rebuke
• Proverbs 27:6—“Wounds from a friend can be trusted . . .”
• Ephesians 4:25–29—Speak truth to one another
The goal is to solve issues.
People are afraid of confrontation, because they’ve had painful experiences with it.
Why confrontation is important:
• In some situations, if you master confrontation first, it tends to avert the need for conflict resolution
• It does two things: solves problems and creates closeness and attachment among group members
– Promotes change in behavior
– Promotes better relationships
– Has a “containing” function
– Solves problems caused by behavior that is hurting the person or hurting others
– Promotes spiritual, relational, and emotional growth
– Acts as a mirror for the truth
– Promotes “wholeness”
How to do it:
• Check your attitude and motivation
• Affirm and validate the person or relationship
• State the problem and its effects; be clear and direct with specific examples
• Listen and seek to understand the response; this is a conversation
• Together, formulate solutions to the problem
Share Your Thoughts
Has your group struggled in this area? Share your stories and tips with fellow small group leaders in the comments section below.