Making Your Small Group Work Extended Tip 1

Extended Tip 1: When Groups Get Messy Part 1 – Confrontation

Confrontation means taking feedback to the next level. It is often seen as a negative thing, but avoidance only causes more problems. The payoff is better relationships. The word “confrontation” is not adversarial; it means to “turn your face toward” something.

Biblical references:
• Proverbs 17:10—“A rebuke impresses a person of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool”
• Proverbs 9:8–9—A wise person loves a rebuke
• Proverbs 27:6—“Wounds from a friend can be trusted . . .”
• Ephesians 4:25–29—Speak truth to one another

The goal is to solve issues.

People are afraid of confrontation, because they’ve had painful experiences with it.

Why confrontation is important:
• In some situations, if you master confrontation first, it tends to avert the need for conflict resolution
• It does two things: solves problems and creates closeness and attachment among group members
• Payoffs:
– Promotes change in behavior
– Promotes better relationships
– Has a “containing” function
– Solves problems caused by behavior that is hurting the person or hurting others
– Promotes spiritual, relational, and emotional growth
– Acts as a mirror for the truth
– Promotes “wholeness”

How to do it:
• Check your attitude and motivation
• Affirm and validate the person or relationship
• State the problem and its effects; be clear and direct with specific examples
• Listen and seek to understand the response; this is a conversation
• Together, formulate solutions to the problem

Share Your Thoughts

Has your group struggled in this area? Share your stories and tips with fellow small group leaders in the comments section below.

Dr. Henry Cloud

Dr. Henry Cloud is a popular speaker, and co-host, with Dr. John Townsend, of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! Radio program, and cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His bestselling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries books and Making Small Groups Work. Dr. Cloud and his wife and two daughters live in Southern California.

Follow Dr. Henry Cloud on:   Facebook   Twitter   Website

John Townsend

Dr. John Townsend is a psychologist, popular speaker, and cohost of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and a cofounder of Cloud-Townsend clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. He is coauthor of the bestselling Boundaries and author of Boundaries with Teens and Hiding from Love.

Follow John Townsend on:   Facebook   Twitter   Website

Bill Donahue

Dr. Bill Donahue is the author of the bestselling Leading Life-Changing Small Groups, Building a Life-Changing Small Groups Ministy (with Russ Robinson), Coaching Life-Changing Leaders (with Greg Bowman), and the Equipping Life-Changing Small Groups DVD.

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