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We learn pretty quickly in this life that part of being human is learning how to balance.
We have to learn about balance as we begin to walk, as we learn to ride a bike, and as we play sports. And we learn quickly because if we don’t, we’ll fall, and though falls can bring pain they can teach at the same time.
Some of our biggest challenges with balance occur in marriage. If all we had to worry about was our marriage, there would not be a problem. But that is not the case. We have work, kids, volunteer work, house work, carpool, church, and all kinds of other things that compete for our time.
Balance in a marriage requires two people. It is only achieved if both a husband and a wife pursue it together.
That is the common thread. A marriage gets out of balance when something comes between the two.
Think of a balance scale. You are on one side and your spouse on the other. When you are each doing your part in the marriage, you are in balance. Your focus is on each other and in daily living out God’s plan for you as a husband and a wife. This is the way it is supposed to be. My spouse and I have learned a lot about balance as we have lived through our marriage. As I look back at the roughest times, we were out of balance, and as I look back at the best times, we were in balance. It seems so simple looking back.
Staying in balance is like everything else that makes a marriage worthwhile — it takes a lot of work, but just like learning to ride a bike with no hands, the rewards are fulfilling.
If staying in balance is important, don’t you think being aware when you are out of balance is equally important?
Balance in a marriage is both about the amount of time a couple spends together and about the way they use that time together. You could spend twenty-four hours a day together as a couple and have a crummy marriage. What a waste of time. Let’s look at it this way. How much time do you have for your spouse each day? I will take whatever you have. If it is fifteen minutes, I will take it. If it is more, I will take it.
This is the key. Don’t miss this.
If your quantity of time each day with your spouse is five minutes, make it the most quality five minutes possible.
That means talk, touch, and listen.
Look each other in the eye.
Sit close together.
Laugh.
Cry.
Be real with each other.
Balance is a constant battle to maintain, but when you consider the alternative, it becomes more than worth it.
Go to your weekly schedule. I just want you to look for two things:
1. Where is time for God
2. Where is time for your marriage?
If you did not agree that those two items were important, you probably would not be reading this.
How much time do they get in your week? If nothing changes in your schedule for the next ten years, where will your relationship with God be, and where will your marriage relationship be? Can you afford to ignore the craziness of your schedule? I don’t think so, and hey, I can be in the same boat, too. I need balance, and so do you.
Excerpted with permission from 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage by Kim Kimberling, PhD, copyright Zondervan, 2015.
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Your Turn
If I sat down today with you and your spouse and asked you if your marriage was in balance, what would you say? Pick one thing that would add balance to your marriage if you began doing it consistently as a couple. Now that you have your one thing, where and when do you start? What are your obstacles? How can you together remove them? Don’t give up. Keep at it, and you will begin to experience more balance in your marriage.
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